Stuck between past and present. I was quite sitting along the seaside watching the waves broke and spread their waters swiftly over the shore. I noticed that the waves fell; withdrew and fell again, like my feelings for you. I fell, like how the leaves from those trees easily fall when a sudden wind blows cold. I withdrew, like when I suddenly fall asleep on a winter day and withdrew my awareness from its hypnotic fascination with physical sensation, thereby allowing me to wake up and stand from whatever foolishness I feel for you. Yet, here I am again falling, like how a gravity pulls back things I already throw.
I wrote our names on the sand but what if the shore will be washed by the waves?
I wrote our names on the trees but what if tress will be cut?
I wrote our names on benches but what if benches will be painted?
Yet… I will never get tired and will still be writing our names because in this world of ephemera, You and I are the only constant…
Well, that was when I thought we really are.. But I was wrong..
And as I was sitting there alone, thinking about past, someone strode to my life and suddenly handed me his hand. An act of saying “stand up. cheer up. I’m here to unlock you from being imprisoned.”
I have doubts yet one must release the grime built up inside to free their emotions like the ocean. I wanted to flee these wings and fly like there’s no tomorrow. I wanted to free myself from this caged I have been in, since the day I met my past. I wanted to run away and never comes back.
All I ever did was to wait. I was caged by my own feelings and waited for someone to unlocked me. I waited for someone I don’t have any assurance of. I waited for someone I thought would come back for me.
And as I was waiting , I’d never thought someone would dare to walked in to my fed-up life . Someone once again give color to the griminess of my life. I wasn’t exactly sure if my heart is in good condition now, but all I know is that …
I am happy…
Not until past came again…
Memories keep hunting me…
Once again you strode into my life. But this time I can see regret and sincerity in your eyes. You held my hand as you were begging for me to come back.
That was the only question I wanted you to answer straight to my eyes but you can’t even answer me directly.
I have a lot of “Why’s?” now in life
And now it made me wonder..
that even nature; those restless waves, irregular trees and stars all out of line show that chaos can be beautiful.
And yes. You were that beautiful chaos I ever had. But you are no longer that someone I would dare to give my heart back.
Thus, this is the day I forgive my past and close my eyes. ..
I can hear a river flowing inside me again, those waves of the ocean hitting my soul once again and indeed the sun shines, lightning up my darkness nights.