REGRET

The happiness I feel as I see his luscious smile with braces on it, lightens up my gloomy face, those tantalizing eyes that means a lot whenever he stares at me, his snobbish attitude that attracts me even better, And those sweet gestures that made me fall for him even more.

I shuddered in delight every time we’re together. I can feel the love and care in his arms, the joy that gave light to the dinginess of my life. Those small talks we had, that made my day complete. I learned to betray my parents just to see and talked to him. I always wait for him to come, then went home late at night. My parents would always scold me, but I never listened. For me, what matters is the happiness, I’d never felt before whenever I got a chance to be with him, to talked to him, and laughed with him.

I’d never thought that one day after hating him, I’m gonna fall for him…

And I’ll run out of tears for this agony he’d left behind.

I was once that stupid person who fell for this guy, who showed me how love can be playful. I expected and assumed too much. He told me, he likes me, showed some motif like there’s something between us. But I was just tricked by those sweet words and gestures of him; I was just played and threw like a trashed. Saying “I don’t want you to expect too much”. How will I not expect? If in the first placed he already showed some shits, like I was too blind and too stupid not to feel that I was just nothing, nothing but a friend for him. Maybe, I also expected too much from it and did not think that he might just like that towards any other girls he met.

I was hurt, my heart was totally broken, I feel sick and shit. And because of too much pain, I let myself drown into liquor. I was already uncontrolled; I can hardly breathe and don’t know what I was doing. But that night, I heard his voice and even though I was drunk I know he was there. I was trying to opened my eyes and see him, but I just can’t. The only words I keep saying was “I can’t breathe” which meant something for him, and that’s what I wanted to say. Until, everyone was already panicked, so they called my parents. And when they got there, they sent me to the hospital, and put oxygen so that I can breathe. While I was at the hospital, I was afraid to faced and talked to my parents. What am I gonna say? That I got drunk because of that stupid freaky shit? What the hell have I done, that was so wrong. I betrayed my parents, I disappoint them, and I lost their trust on me.

That night was horrible, I’ve learned my lessons and don’t want to do it or let it happen again. I’m still too immature to handle things like this, and so I promised, that I’ll never let myself be played again by those shits, never trust too much and never ever expect too much by just showing sweet gestures towards me. And I’ll never enter in a serious relationship not unless I’m ready and matured enough to handle those things.

 

 

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